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  • Márcia Fervienza

Hurt and trauma as seen by a 6-year-old child

Nothing in life ever comes easy Sometimes, not even life itself Conception may happen as an act of love But that ephemeral four-letter word Can be as fleeting as a scared bird That can't look you in the eyes for long Can't hold you to make you feel 

that you belong Might make you constantly feel 

that you did something wrong And may sound like a distant, unfamiliar song So, once the connection in the womb is severed, And we are faced with complete helplessness, We hope that our cries are met with love But what happens when all that is nurtured Is a gigantic whole in your core? Life, people and love come in many forms But a life that starts with death should be taken as a warning That innocence should be dropped And that the loss of your childhood will eventually be your mourning Lonely evenings in a fully lit up home Frightened nights with only grandma on the phone A self-help book on the night stand to train you not to feel And to make you believe that your fears are not real Ghosts hiding behind every door When last night you faced them and said, "no more!" But how to handle so much when you're barely seven? Maybe I'd be better off if I were still in heaven. Will she take long this time? Should I call and ask? Go ahead, baby, tell her how you feel. "Mommy, I wish you would be home with me at nights." "So, must I be unhappy just to be by your side?" But because life is stubborn and pervasive Even on the most arid soil With some water every now and then And occasional sunlight Nature still grows, and survives And one may get farther than could have ever been imagined in hindsight But surviving isn't enough Healing is imperative If a cycle of intergenerational trauma Is to be put to rest You must find another meaning To your own life's narrative And once you are healed Maybe the pain and trauma can be transformed From an unfair, unjust, inexplicable series of hurtful events Into an unexpected training That becomes the meaningful foundation That will enable you to work to heal others and prevent Then you may be able to carry yourself differently Loving connections can be formed Trust issues may be resolved You may still have some walls up But vulnerability might seem less challenging

However, no matter how shiny, bright and strong you seem on the outside There will always be a whole other world to you That will never be met By the inattentive observer's eyes

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